I'll be honest - I have had quite the rough adjustment to life in San Francisco. While this is an amazing city, the stresses of a new job, trying to make new friends, the processes of fading away from my loved ones back in Boston, and the desire to just fit in and find my place here has really weighed on me. However, I was managing.
After a rocky few months, three weeks ago, my partner of two and a half years and I decided to split up. While this was the right thing to do for both of us and I realize that this was a necessary step for us both to find happiness, it's been a difficult time in my life. A couple of days ago, he moved out and I found myself in a half empty apartment, sleeping on the couch in my living room. I feel both relief and melancholy. I know that being in a new city virtually alone is the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
My partner was the photographer for Science and Silicone. I started out taking my pictures by myself with a tripod and timer, but over the last couple of years, I've taught him to take photos for me and it became our weekend ritual. I would put several sets of lingerie and he would admire them, then painstakingly work on capturing me and the garments in the best light. Now that he's gone, I feel lost about where to go from here.
So here's what's going to happen next. I'm going to get back to writing for this blog because it's something that makes ME happy and I'm going to separate it from him. This blog was always about cataloging my own thoughts, exploring new lingerie brands, and sharing what I've learned with other women. But it warped into some kind of emotional shared experience with my partner and I don't like that. I'll post reviews of items from the last few months that have sat neglected on my hard drive after he took the last batch of photos for me. After that, I'm going to relearn how to photograph myself, or maybe I'll recruit a friend to help out. Whatever it is, I'm going to keep going.
This is a time in my life when I start to focus on myself and my interests, and while all of these changes have been going on, Science and Silicone has fallen by the wayside. I'm going to take it back and it's going to be better than ever.
Thank you for listening and understanding.